Twist and Shout

I have a six-year-old brother, awesome kid, love hanging out with him. The other day I took him to a children’s museum. Those places are really cool. One of the things that they had in this place that I couldn’t get enough of are those funhouse mirrors that make you look really weird. I love those things. They twist your face up and stuff, its awesome. We’re looking at these mirrors when my brother says he has to pee. So we go into the restroom and there is a gentleman with his back to me washing his hands.  And I see his reflection and his face are kind of messed up. I say to the guy “Cool! They even have these mirrors in the bathroom!” And this guy gives me the most confused look I have ever seen. The reason why is because when I got in front of the mirror nothing happened. Turns out, they actually didn’t have funhouse mirrors in the bathroom. This guy just had Down syndrome. 

Erection detection

I started to run recently. And I’m actually pretty good at it. I’m really fast. Like I go and annoy the shit out of people just so they’ll chase me. And I don’t really have long legs or anything that would give me an unfair advantage over any other average Joe, I just did some research and figured out a way to make myself more aerodynamic.  You guys wanna know how I do it? I run with an erection.